Why Some Women Still Feel They Need to Dim Their Light
Have you ever found yourself holding back in a meeting, choosing silence over speaking up, even though you had the perfect idea? Or perhaps you’ve downplayed an achievement, brushing it off as “no big deal” to avoid making others uncomfortable? If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Despite decades of progress in gender equality, many women still feel the need to dim their light—to shrink themselves, hide their brilliance, and stay within society’s comfort zone. But why?
This self-dimming isn’t a lack of ability or ambition; it’s a response to deeply ingrained cultural narratives and expectations that subtly, yet powerfully, shape women’s behavior. To move beyond this, we need to unpack the reasons behind it and, more importantly, learn how to let our light shine unapologetically.
The Fear of Being “Too Much”
One of the most persistent pressures women face is the fear of being perceived as “too much”—too confident, too assertive, too ambitious. From a young age, many girls are conditioned to prioritize likability over self-expression. Traits like assertiveness, celebrated in men, are often labeled as bossy or aggressive in women. This double standard forces women to tread carefully, dimming their light to avoid being criticized, ostracized, or labeled.
This fear extends into adulthood, where societal expectations often place women in a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” scenario. Speak up, and you risk being dismissed as difficult. Stay quiet, and you might be overlooked entirely. It’s no wonder many women find themselves defaulting to the safer choice—playing small.
Cultural and Historical Baggage
The roots of this self-dimming phenomenon run deep. Historically, women were often relegated to the background, their primary roles defined by caregiving and support. Ambition and outspokenness were discouraged, seen as traits that disrupted the social order. While progress has been made, the remnants of these archaic norms linger, subtly influencing modern attitudes.
Cultural narratives further complicate this. In many communities, women are still expected to be humble, deferential, and self-sacrificing. Celebrating personal achievements or asserting oneself can be misinterpreted as arrogance or selfishness. For women navigating these cultural dynamics, dimming their light feels like a way to maintain harmony and avoid conflict.
Internalized Expectations: The Silent Saboteur
Sometimes, the most significant barriers are internal. Women often carry the weight of perfectionism, feeling they must meet impossibly high standards before stepping into the spotlight. Impostor syndrome—a feeling of being unqualified despite evident success—further feeds the urge to dim their light. The fear of being “found out” as a fraud can prevent women from fully embracing their talents and achievements.
Additionally, the need to manage others’ emotions plays a role. Many women feel responsible for ensuring those around them are comfortable and unthreatened. This emotional labor often leads them to downplay their accomplishments, fearing that shining too brightly might intimidate or alienate others.
The Cost of Dimming Your Light
While dimming your light may feel like a protective mechanism, it comes at a significant cost. It stifles personal growth, limits opportunities, and perpetuates the very norms that demand women to shrink themselves. Over time, the habit of playing small can erode self-confidence, making it harder to recognize your own worth.
The broader impact is equally damaging. When women hold back, the world loses out on their ideas, innovations, and contributions. Imagine the breakthroughs that could occur if every woman felt empowered to show up fully, unapologetically herself.
How to Stop Dimming Your Light
Breaking free from the habit of self-dimming is challenging, but it’s entirely possible. Here are some actionable steps to help you reclaim your brilliance:
- Challenge Negative Narratives
Start by identifying the beliefs that hold you back. Ask yourself: Who benefits when I play small? Often, you’ll realize these narratives serve outdated societal norms, not your personal growth. Replace them with affirmations that celebrate your worth and capabilities. - Celebrate Your Wins
Make a habit of acknowledging your achievements, no matter how small. Share them with trusted friends or colleagues who uplift you. Remember, celebrating yourself doesn’t diminish others; it sets a powerful example for them to do the same. - Embrace Your Authenticity
Your light is unique—don’t dim it to fit someone else’s expectations. Lean into your authenticity, knowing that your voice and perspective are valuable. The right people and opportunities will resonate with your true self, not a watered-down version of you. - Surround Yourself with Supportive Women
Seek out communities of women who inspire, empower, and encourage each other. Whether it’s a mentorship group, a book club, or an online network, having a support system makes it easier to step into your power. - Learn to Say No
Protecting your light means setting boundaries. Saying no to obligations or relationships that drain you creates space for what truly matters. Remember, every time you say no to something that doesn’t serve you, you’re saying yes to yourself. - Advocate for Others
Empowerment is contagious. When you uplift other women—whether by mentoring, advocating for equal opportunities, or simply celebrating their successes—you create a ripple effect that inspires others to shine.
Lighting the Way Forward
The world needs women who are willing to let their light shine, not just for themselves but for the generations to come. Every time you choose to step into your brilliance, you challenge the norms that demand women play small. You become a role model, paving the way for others to follow.
Remember, your light is not a threat—it’s a gift. It illuminates paths, sparks change, and transforms lives. By embracing it, you’re not just empowering yourself; you’re contributing to a world where every woman feels free to do the same.
So, the next time you’re tempted to dim your light, pause and ask yourself: Who am I dimming it for, and why? Then, choose to shine anyway. The world needs your brilliance—now more than ever.